


Dizziness Is No Symphony

by TrickyWentz



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Relationships, Fluff, How Do I Tag, I wrote this ages ago, It was originally a fob fanfic but i was embarrassed by the ship, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 05:33:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8652820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrickyWentz/pseuds/TrickyWentz
Summary: Fir is a band member of Axxel, alongside his brother and 3 other band mates. He doesn't deal well with his feelings.





	

Sometimes I just sit in the corner of a room, alone, and I wait. I wait for the world to make sense. I wait for my brain to stop humming, but it never does. The buzz of last night never dies, in my world.  
He doesn't understand, he doesn't care like I want him to; but I care for him, because... Well, I love him.  
With the oaf though, it was only lust, on my side of the story. Love is just chemicals. Chemicals can be replicated. I can feel love through other means. I can feel loved without ever being loved or ever loving someone.  
Nice.  
And so I just sit on the floor thinking these existential thoughts, and sometimes it starts to force the world to make sense. But sometimes it just makes it all more confusing. I'm not sure which its doing right now.  
The oaf's awake now. I can hear his footsteps, heavy in the dead of night. Thinking about it, I hate him. Everything about him is loud, obnoxious, annoying, big. /His/ laugh, /his/ stories, /his/ hair, /his/ clothes. I am the exact opposite, small, quiet, shy. Maybe he hates that about me. Good.  
Sam's going to ask me why I slept with him tomorrow. I don't know what to tell him. It felt good. I needed sex. I wanted to catch an STD. I let out a snigger. Sam wouldn't find that funny though. He'd be too busy worrying. Sam's the nice one. Sam cares about me. And I care about Sam. He's attractive, not too loud but not too quiet. He's the perfect fit for broken old me... Not that he knows it.  
"Where are you Fir?" He calls out. How dare /he/ use my nickname. Thats the name that only my band's supposed to use.  
"Told you to call me Ron." I grunt. I don't disclose where I am.  
"Ron, where are you?" He calls out again. For fuck sake why is he so noisy?  
"Go back to bed, I'm fine-" Fuck. I can't remember his name. Okay, 1/26 chance "L." I finish. I internally apologise to him for forever ruining his image of me. I'm a dick, but everyone loves to assume that I'm always the sweetheart. Not this time.  
I heard him stomp back to bed, his annoyance clear in his loud footsteps.  
Good.  
Sam hates it when I hook up. I do too, actually. It's always the same sort of guy, stupid, clumsy, definitely not Sam and nothing that could replace him. Sometimes I wonder if I'd ever talk to Sam about my feelings... Unlikely.  
I look up at the oaf. He's snoring loudly now. My arse hurts, if I think about it. He wasn't even a good fuck. I had to finish myself off in this shitty hotel's bathroom. He was too clingy afterwards as well, and that's from someone who plasters themselves to their band mates. They don't enjoy it, or at least I don't think they do. God I'm so annoying to them.  
"L." I say into the darkness. He stirs. "I gotta go. The band's hotel nights finish really early, and I don't want to piss off anyone."  
He grunts, annoyed. "Can I at least get your phone number?" He asks. Fuck.  
"L, I really gotta run." I sighed. Come on, going to a drama school has to pay off.  
"Fine. But babe, will I see you again?" He asked. He's really grinding my gears now.  
"I don't know."  
"My full name is Lawrence Cooper, try to find me." He mutters. I internally whoop at guessing his initial correctly.  
"Sure. Gotta go." I lied. I ran out of the hotel room, grabbing my stuff and just going. I didn't know where, the buses wouldn't be open for another half hour. I decided on Sam's room. I rapped on his door, knowing he'd be awake. He opened it slowly.  
"Ferron." He muttered, letting me inside. I hung my head in shame. "Escaping another one night stand?"  
"I'm sorry-"  
"Haven't you learned yet? It ruins the band? Your brother worries himself sick, Dylan and Sid argue, and it tears me apart. I die every time you do this."  
"Look, Sam, you know me. I cover up my feelings with sex, as I hate alcohol and drugs and cigarettes. And I don't even like sex that much. It's just how I get out of my head." I tried to explain, embarrassed. I hate disappointing Sam.  
"I know, Fir, but we've got to find some other way. Chris is tearing his hair out, he hated that guy but you wouldn't even let him talk to him."  
"He would have made him back off."  
"Exactly! You've got to understand that he gets protective of you. You are his brother after all." Sam sighed, letting me inside. I slumped over on the couch.  
"I needed to get out of my head, Sammy. I know its bad for the band but I needed it tonight." I whimpered.  
"Maybe you need a fuck buddy." Sam grumbled as he sat down on the couch. I looked at him sarcastically.  
"Yeah, sure. I thought we all said that we shouldn't interfere with each others sex lives?" I growled slightly.  
"Fir as much as I respect you and your choices, we worry. You're Chris' little brother, and Dylan and Sid love you like you're their brother too. And I care about you so much, FD, and it kills me to think that you could be getting a billion and one diseases. We need to know that you're safe, and we're never sure when every hotel night you're sleeping with a different guy." Sam looked at me with irritation. I stood up, agitated by Sam's insistence and the oaf bugging me earlier.  
"So?"  
"Fir you're being irrational."  
"Fuck you Sam."  
"Fir I'm trying to be-"  
"Stop trying and just tell me that you think I'm too young to be in the band!"  
"Fir, for fuck sake!"  
"What?!"  
"Just please, consider it!"  
"Why should I?"  
"For Chris, your literal brother! For the band!"  
"But who the fuck would want to sleep with me repeatedly?"  
"For fuck sake Fi-"  
"Answer the question!"  
"I would!" Sam yelled. We were both panting heavily, staring at each other tensely.  
"I mean-"  
"Don't lie to me Sam."  
"Fir, I wasn't- I didn't mean to say that." Sam looked at me with tears in his eyes.  
"Were you lying? Tell me the truth." I hissed.  
"Ferron Declan..." He started, looking up at me. I glared at him.  
"So you were lying?"  
"No, I- I didn't lie. I get if you're mad at me or something, but yes, I would."  
"And is that just out of an obligation to the band? Or do you genuinely like me?"  
"Fir, I... Yeah, I like you. Just I told Chris, and he got very defensive and I promised him I'd care for you, even if you didn't want me. And he seemed so upset, and I told him I'd ask you out, I'd protect you from the others, but I chickened out. Chris loves you, Fir.  
"It's just you look so hopeful every time you fuck these random guys, and as much as it hurts, Fir-tree, I can't bear to upset you. You genuinely look like you think that that guy could be the love of your life. It's your life, I couldn't take that away from you." Sam looked down at the floor, his eyes watering.  
"Sammy." I paused, his eyes flickering up to meet mine. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"  
"What?"  
"Sam, I've been in love with you for so long. I fucked every guy I could because I couldn't have you. None of them could replace you in my heart. None of them gave me what I wanted. Shit, Sammy, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't I tell you? Fucking hell, I'm so stupid."  
"Hey, no, don't say that. I didn't have a clue you liked me. I'm just as stupid." Sam smiled, hugging me warily.  
"No, you're not though. You're hot and cute and smart and talented and I'm just me. I just sing alongside you because my brother let me into this band." I hung my head  
"Okay, shut up, you're smart. I mean, you've been to university and passed with flying colours, and you've got a psychology doctorate. And don't even mention your singing voice because holy smokes."  
"It isn't even-"  
"Fir, don't give me this self deprecating crap." Sam sighed.  
"I was just going to say that I love you, Jesus." I grinned.  
"It's great that you love Jesus, but you totally weren't saying that." Sam snorted.  
"Jesus fuck, you didn't let me finish my sentence!"  
"Yeah, well, you do want to fuck Jesus now as well."  
"No I don't!"  
Sam and I stared at each other for a second, before bursting into giggles. I think I won't be meeting anyone else who aggrivates Chris now.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I found out that Axxel is a marketing company?? And also I forgot I hadn't mentioned the name of the band the guys are in during the fic whoops lol


End file.
